Hearts of Darkness
by chelseatee
Summary: Lily Evans finds herself in love with both her best friend, Severus Snape, and the handsome and devious James Potter. Will secrets, betrayals and Dark Magic stand in between Lily and the boys that she loves? Set in their fifth year at Hogwarts. Have tried to make it as close to the books as possible... please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything JKR

Well, this is my first attempt at writing in a few years and I'm trying to get back into it. I'm hoping that this will receive some decent reviews because it's good writing practice! Any and all reviews would be appreciated! And don't worry… keep reading because it will get better as I go!

I heaved a huge sigh and glared across the room. I was struggling through my Transfiguration homework in the Gryffindor common room, but the noise that my fellow Gryffindor's were making was extremely distracting. Annoyed and frustrated, I threw my quill down on the parchment and stared at the offending troublemakers – James Potter and Sirius Black. Their other friend, Remus Lupin, was standing slightly outside the center of the group, quieter than James and Sirius; and Peter Pettigrew was standing next to him, gazing adoringly at his idols. I snorted. I considered telling them off or handing out a detention or two, but I decided against it. The other Gryffindor prefect, Remus, wasn't bothered by the boisterous show-offs, so I decided not to let it bother me. Exhaling hard and blowing a piece of hair off of my face, I picked up my quill again and set to finishing the homework. However, this was much easier said than done

"Oh, just go tell them off already!" my friend Sarah finally exclaimed after about the tenth disgruntled sigh/glare.

"There's no point," I replied. "They'll just enjoy the attention more!"

Sarah laughed. "You're probably right."

Sarah was my closest girlfriend, and we are as opposite as two people could be. I'm tall, with bright green eyes, pale skin and freckles all over my cheeks. Sarah, on the other hand, is shorter. She has dark brown hair that is almost black, a tanned complexion and bright blue eyes. She is probably one of the prettiest girls at Hogwarts, if not the world – the contrast between her dark hair and bright eyes turned almost every boys' head her way. I am definitely nowhere near as pretty as she is. Plus, I'm really shy and reserved, but Sarah is confident, outgoing and fun. Even though we have such different personalities and looks, we have been close friends since our first year at Hogwarts.

"Why don't you pack it in for the night, Lil?" Sarah asked, looking concerned. "I know this year is OWL year and all, but it's only January. Exams are months away!"

"I know. I just have to do well. Transfiguration is really difficult right now, and what if I fail?"

"Lil!" Sarah exclaimed, laughing. "Relax! You're the best in our year. You'll be fine!"

Reluctantly, I grinned and rolled my eyes. "Fine, I guess you're right. I think I'll head off to bed now, though."

Sarah flipped her hair. "I'll be right up. I'm just going to… um, check the noticeboard!"

She flounced away, stealing covert glances at Sirius Black. Laughing, I hauled my heavy bag upstairs to the fifth-year girls' dormitories.

I dropped my bag beside my bed, grabbed my quill again and a sheet of parchment from beside the bed and curled up to write a letter.

_Dear Sev,_

_I know that you're probably still a little bit annoyed with me right now, and I'm sorry. You know why we haven't been hanging out much lately. The people that you're associating with are not good people and you ARE a good person, inside and out! You know that you will always be my best friend, forever. Please don't be too mad at me. If you want to talk to me, we can meet up at lunch tomorrow, but if you don't want to, that's alright._

_Miss you_

_Xoxo_

_Lily_

I rolled up the parchment and went to the window, where my brown owl, Merry, sat on a ledge. The owl hooted softly and stuck out his leg.

"Take this to Severus for me alright?" I said, stroking the owl's head. Merry blinked and took off into the night, making his way toward another part of the castle. Sadly I watched him fly away into the darkness.

My best, _best_ friend, Severus Snape, had been ignoring me for several days now because of some 'concerns' I had raised to him about the people he had been hanging out with. I am dead against the Dark Arts in every shape and form, and I know that some of the people that Sev is spending his time with are practising Dark magic. Plus, the majority of them are super creepy!

Severus was in Slytherin house, which had a bad reputation in the first place. It was famous for producing Dark witches and wizards, and having an unacceptable tolerance for the Dark Arts. When I voiced my concern about his new 'Death Eater' friends, he got really defensive and angry and stalked off.

I hopped into my bed, thinking about Severus and how I should never have said those things about his friends (whether they were true or not) in the first place. The only thing that mattered to me was his happiness; and if these new friends made him happy…who was I to put them down?

I rolled over in my bed and stared moodily at the hangings around my bed. Most of my Gryffindor friends had no idea what I saw in Sev. Granted, Gryffindors and Slytherins were traditional enemies at Hogwarts, so that obviously didn't win him any points in my friends' eyes. But they didn't see his sweet and sensitive side. They didn't see him when we were alone together, taking walks by the lake, or helping each other study, or talking about our family lives, both of which were strained. He was such a good person, and it frustrated me that he was getting sucked into the 'Slytherin' way of doing things.

The door suddenly clicked open, and I could hear Sarah walk in, giggling with the rest of our roommates. I could hear them talking about James and Sirius and how cute and funny and charming they were and blah, blah, blah…

The next time I opened my eyes, it was morning. I got up to take a shower before the rest of the girls woke up and spent all morning in the bathroom. The rest of the girls in my dormitory were forever in the bathroom, primping and putting on makeup and doing their hair. I, on the other hand, didn't really have the time to bother with hair and makeup.

By the time I had finished drying my hair with my wand (no one likes wet hair hanging down the back of their robes), the rest of the girls were awake and getting themselves ready for the school day. Thankfully, Sarah didn't take as long to get ready in the morning as the other girls, so the two of us walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

Halfway through my plate of mixed fruit and toast, the post arrived. Merry swooped down and landed beside me, knocking a jug of pumpkin juice into the lap of sixth year Jack Foster, who shouted and shot me the dirtiest look. I paid him no attention though, because I recognized the handwriting on the parchment.

_Meet me in the library at lunch._

_-Sev_

I frowned at his short reply, but my stomach flip-flopped with happiness and excitement at the thought of meeting up with him later.

"Oooh, who's the love letter from Lillikins?" Sarah cooed, making googly eyes at me. "Is it from Sweetheart Snape?"

By this time, the rest of the fifth-year girls had joined us. Kate, Amy and Bethany laughed and made kissing noises.

I could feel my cheeks burn but I laughed with them. They always called him 'Sweetheart Snape' because they thought that he liked me, which was utterly ridiculous of course.

"Sweetheart Snape? I didn't know that you two had declared your love for each other publicly Evans." James Potter had arrived with Sirius and Remus, closely followed by Peter. I scowled at them.

"It's too bad that you're so in love with your own reflection that you can't get yourself a girlfriend, huh Potter?" I shot back.

The girls laughed. His eyes narrowed for a moment, but a smile lit up his face the next instant.

"You're right Evans. Maybe you should go out with me, and prove that statement wrong," he grinned, ruffling his hair.

"Ugh. I would rather go out with the giant squid than touch you!" I grimaced.

He sidled up to where I was sitting. "Ah, Evans. Don't make me beg. You know you want to go out with me…"

"I've told you no! I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last boy on earth!" I shot back, frustrated with his arrogance. He looked amused at my retort, which made me even more annoyed, so I gathered up my books and stalked off for my first class, Charms. I was about ten minutes early for class, but there was no way that I was going to sit there and listen to James' arrogance.

I heard footsteps behind me and knew that Sarah had followed me out of the Great Hall. She walked up the marble staircase with me in silence, and even let me sit down in my desk before she started in on me.

"Lily, why on earth don't you just go out with him?" She demanded. "He's one of the best looking guys in our year, he's really smart, comes from a great family and he's nice! Well," she stopped, looking kind of guilty, "he's not that nice I suppose…."

"Great observation," I replied stonily.

"Ah, come on Lil! So he can be kind of full of himself. Most guys are at our age…"

"That's not any kind of excuse. Other guys I know aren't like that," I shot back.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "If you're talking about Severus, Lil, he totally doesn't count. You know I have no idea what you see in him," she said, looking at me like she doubted my sanity.

"You wouldn't," I said under my breath.

By this time, the rest of our class was walking in, pulling out books and preparing for the lesson. I buried my head in _Achievements in Charming_ to avoid any more questions about Sev. Sarah looked like she wanted to talk about it more, but she could see that I wasn't in any kind of mood to tolerate an interrogation, so she sighed and gave up.

When lunch came around, I quickly started gulping down my shepherd's pie.

"Where are you in such a hurry to get to?" Sarah asked, staring at me in shock and a very small amount of suspicion.

"Umm… library. Have to finish that essay for Slughorn," I lied quickly, avoiding her curious gaze.

"You're lying," she accused. "I know you finished that essay two days ago!"

By this time I had finished what was on my plate. "I'll see you later!" I shouted back at her confused face, racing out of the Great Hall.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I searched the library for his familiar dark mop of hair. Finally, with another huge flip-flop of excitement (what is this feeling?!) I saw him sitting alone at a booth, books piled all around him so that he was barely visible. I hurried over and slid into his booth across from him.

As soon as he looked up and saw me, a grin broke out across his face that made me feel fluttery and out of breath.

"Lil! I'm so glad you came!" he smiled at me. When Sev smiled at me, his entire face lit up like he was staring at the sun. It made me feel happy that I had this effect on him.

"So am I, I've really missed you! I hate when we fight. Let's never fight again, alright?" I pleaded.

His grin turned soft. "Alright," he said quietly. "I promise."

We sat and talked for the remainder of our lunch break, and we left the library together. Most of the other students were still in the Great Hall eating lunch, or in the library or common room, so the halls were quite empty. All of a sudden and to my very great surprise, Severus grabbed my hand and held it quite close to him. I could feel his thumb tracing circles on my hand very gently. I was so surprised by this that I stopped.

His face turned bright red, which in turn made _my_ face go bright red. He very hastily dropped my hand and turned away.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice straining. "I shouldn't have done that."

Before I could even react to what had happened, he turned and almost ran down the corridor, disappearing so fast that I doubted ten seconds had passed since he dropped my hand. I stood in the middle of the hallway, probably looking like a fish out of water. I know that hand holding really isn't that big of a deal. But for Severus and I it was. Never before had our friendship strayed past the boundaries of a friendly pat on the arm, or a hug after a long time apart. We certainly never had any physical contact in the halls at school, in the middle of the day. The way that he held my hand felt… romantic. A gesture that couples would do. Not best friends who have known each other for years.


	2. Chapter 2

I still hadn't moved from where Severus and I had stopped. I was still trying to work out what had just happened and how I felt about it. But the more that I thought about it, the happier it made me feel. Severus was sweet, kind and familiar. The truth was, I had never thought about having any kind of relationship with any boy, let alone Severus. I was feeling something that I had never felt before. A crush forming. Romantic feelings toward the opposite sex. I started to giggle to myself.

"Lily!" I heard a voice call out. I turned around and saw Sarah walking toward me with a huge grin on her face. "What on earth are you giggling about?"

I cast around for an excuse. "Oh! Erm… that monk in that picture back there is drunk and he just peed on his friend!"

Sarah burst out laughing. "That's disgusting!"

I grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the fourth floor corridor. "Come on, we'll be late for Transfiguration, and I don't want McGonagall to dock us any house points!"

For the rest of the day, I entertained the idea of having a boyfriend. It was scary, new territory, but it made me feel excited and gave me butterflies in my stomach. I also figured that if Severus was trying to hold my hand and then blushing about it, he must like me too. So, I decided that the best course of action was to talk to Severus and see what he thought about me.

Several days later found me struggling (again) through my Transfiguration homework in the library (so as to avoid James Potter and his fan club), and no nearer to talking to Severus about our…situation. I just couldn't find the words to explain how I felt. Not that Severus was any help at all; he was keeping his distance from me, which made it difficult to talk to him. Shaking my head, I pushed away thoughts of Severus.

I was just getting to the end of my homework when Madam Pince swooped down on my booth and announced that the library was about to close. So I packed up my books and made to leave the library when I walked directly into a tall, dark haired boy.

"Sev!" I cried. "What are you doing here?"

He looked at me shiftily. "Um…just needed to look for a book."

I cocked my head and narrowed my eyes. "The library is closing now though."

"Oh…right. I guess I didn't realize how late it was," he replied, avoiding my eyes.

"Well, I'm really glad we ran into each other," I told him, as we started back down the corridor together. "It feels like we never hang out anymore."

"I know," he said quietly, staring at his shoes.

"Actually, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you-" I started to say, but was interrupted by the enormous, clanging bell that chimed 9:00.

"Uh oh," Severus said, looking uncomfortable. "We're out past curfew, and I really can't get detention again."

To avoid being seen by the teachers who had begun prowling the corridors, Sev and I began to slip behind tapestries and statues. We were just reaching the marble staircase when Professor Weatherby, the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, came around the corner. Sev pulled me behind a small tapestry and we stood stock still. Severus was trying to hold his breath and I was trying my absolute hardest not to let an episode of the giggles overtake me.

It happened while we stood hidden behind the tapestry. I began to notice how close to each other we were. His hand was grasping my arm and I could feel our bodies pressed against each other- hip to hip and shoulder to shoulder. My urge to giggle disappeared right then and there. Severus turned to look at me, slowly. We locked eyes, and in that moment I forgot why we were standing so close together behind that musty tapestry. All I could see were his large dark brown eyes and how they suddenly began to look even darker…

I'm not sure who leaned in first; all I know is that abruptly, our faces were very close to each other. Tentatively, Severus leaned forward and gently, _gently_ touched his lips to mine. It felt like the soft flutter of birds' wings, or the light touch of rain on bare skin; and then it felt like fireworks.

Suddenly I could feel one of his hands knotting itself in my hair, and the other snaking around my waist and pulling me up hard and close to his body. To my surprise, I could feel hard muscle hiding underneath his robes. I wrapped my arms around his neck and forgot everything in the world except for the feeling of his lips on mine, our gasping breaths, and the hope that this moment would never end…

His hands were becoming more confident now, and I could feel one hand slowly making its way up the back of my robes and touching my bare skin. This quickly snapped me back to reality. I didn't know if I was ready to go this far on my first kiss.

The blissful moment popped like a bubble, and Severus looked just as shocked as I thought I did. Then he pulled me into his arms again and held me tightly. He held me like I was something that he had lost for a very long time, but had just found. He buried his face into my hair and I could feel him smiling.

"I love you, Lily. I love you more than I've ever loved anything," he murmured, his face still buried in my hair.

I pushed him back slightly, so that we were face to face again. I leaned forwards and rested my head against his chin, which was the shortest part of him that I could reach.

"I love you too," I admitted, and the grin that lit up his face was like the sun breaking through the clouds during a rainstorm. Pure brilliance.

For the next couple of days, I felt as though I was carrying a bubble of happiness in my chest that refused to pop. It felt wonderful. I knew that Sarah and the other girls would never understand our relationship, so I didn't tell them. Besides, what business was it of theirs? I was happy and that was all that mattered.

A week after the first kiss, Severus and I were studying in the library. We found a secluded spot in the back of the library and piled our table with books, so as to block out everyone else. We sat side by side, Severus' hand on my knee, smiling at each other every so often. I finished my Defence Against the Dark Arts homework in record time with his help, and so we packed up our things and made to head back to our common rooms.

He walked me up to the seventh floor. We were almost to the portrait hole when he suddenly pulled me through a tapestry into a small alcove, similar to the one we had our very first kiss in.

"Sev!" I exclaimed, surprised at his forwardness.

He only smiled a wicked grin and pushed me against the back of the alcove. My heart was pounding in my chest and my breathing started to increase. He raised his hand and stroked the side of my cheek ever so gently and slowly, making my skin tingle and burn where his skin touched mine. Then he lowered his lips to my throat and kissed up my jaw line, to my earlobe. He bit it slightly. My knees trembled. I had never been kissed like this before. Hell, I'd only_ had_ one other kiss before this!

I could feel the heat in my body begin to rise and before I knew what was happening I locked my arms around his neck, pulled his lips to mine and kissed him, hard. He groaned and responded enthusiastically, exploring my mouth with his tongue and running his hands through my hair and over my back, down my sides. I felt dizzy, drunk, like I was in a dream. I had no idea kissing another person could make a person feel this way, this incredible way.

Suddenly an enormously loud CRASH sounded, fairly close to where we were hiding. Sev and I jumped apart instantly as though we were scalded. We peeked out from behind the tapestry and saw Peeves just down the corridor, knocking over random suits of armour and giggling his crazy head off.

Severus sighed heavily. "I better get you to the portrait hole, Filch will be around here any moment, and I won't have you in detention."

I was still trying to regain my sense of equilibrium that his kiss had robbed me of, but I allowed him to steer me out of the alcove and to the portrait hole. When we reached it, he stroked my face once with his hand and kissed me chastely, and turned away. It felt as though a piece of me had walked away with him.

"I love you," I called hoarsely after his figure.

He stopped, and turned back.

"I love you too, Lil," he replied softly, and, grinning slightly, he turned away once more.

I watched him turn the corner out of sight and then I slowly turned back to the portrait hole. The Fat Lady was looking at me sternly.

"A Slytherin? Really, young lady, are there no young Gryffindors that tickle your fancy?"

"No, ma'am. Stinksap," I sighed, waiting for her to open the portrait hole. But she surprised me by staying shut and giving me an appraising look.

"That boy will break your heart. A Slytherin always will," she said sadly. Before I could even stammer a reply, her portrait swung forward and I stumbled through the hole.

The next morning I woke up ridiculously well rested and in a fantastic mood. I bounded up out of bed and almost pirouetted into the shower. What a wonderful, awe-inspiring, fabulous morning! I dried my hair and even applied a very slight amount of makeup, just a dusting of blush and a coat of mascara. I used a spell to enhance the natural waves in my red hair. By the time I was dressed and ready to head to breakfast, Sarah was stirring in her four-poster.

"Lil! Why on earth are you up so early?" She exclaimed.

I laughed at her taken-aback expression. "It's a gorgeous morning outside! I'm going down to breakfast!"

"But Lil, it's Saturday!" she protested. "What's put you in such a good mood?" she asked, suspiciously.

"I told you, it's such a beautiful day! Let's get us some toast and we'll have a walk round the lake."

"Have you gone mad? It's January! It's cold outside. I'm staying in the common room, right by the fire with a book that's NOT on our homework list," she said, smiling confusedly at my exuberance.

"Fine," I conceded. I guess just because it was sunny outside, didn't mean it was warm. "Hurry and get dressed, I'm famished!"

Sarah finally dragged herself out of bed and got herself dressed. We walked down to the Great Hall, talking and laughing easier than we had done in weeks. We took our seats and as I started to pile bacon and eggs onto my plate, I could feel her suspicious stare on me again.

"What's gotten in to you?" she demanded. "You're like an entirely different person this last week and especially today. A week ago you would have told me off for twenty minutes for even suggesting that I read a book instead of studying, and now you want to go for a walk in the middle of winter around the lake? Plus, what is with all the happy dancing around?" She stopped dead, staring at me. "Oh my god. It's a guy. You're seeing someone!" she squealed, jumping up and down in her seat.

I guess I'm a fairly transparent person. Probably could have hid that a lot better. Sigh. What should I tell her now? Do I tell her that I'm seeing Severus and have to justify our relationship? I know I can't lie outright. Then an idea strikes me.

"Well… I am, yes, sort of, kind of…" I broke off, feeling awkward and embarrassed.

"Lil!" She exclaimed, "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"We didn't really want anyone to know yet," I explained, crossing my fingers behind my back. "It's really not a big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal! Come on, who is it then?" She prodded.

"I'm not telling yet. And don't bother begging!" I cut her off as she opened her mouth again, a martyred look on her face. "We're just not ready for it to be public knowledge yet, and, no offense, but telling other people will lead to it being public knowledge."

She looked disappointed, but had the good sense not to press it any further. "At least tell me what house he's in. Wait…" she looked stricken. "Lils… it's not Snape is it?"

I tried for as natural a laugh as possible. "Of course not! He's my best friend… that would be just odd."

She looked relieved, which meant my poor acting worked. "Alright, good. So, which house? What year?"

"Erm... Ravenclaw. And he's in sixth."

"Is it Terrence Davies?"

"No, Sar."

"Philip Swift?"

"No, Sar."

"William Ashby?"

"_No, Sar!_ And even if you did guess right, I wouldn't tell you! Not yet. Not until we're more…ready."

Sarah pouted through the rest of breakfast, a thoughtful expression on her face when she wasn't shooting me dirty looks and shaking her head in frustration. I, on the other hand, passed away the remainder of breakfast thinking about last night behind the tapestry on the seventh floor corridor.

After breakfast, Sarah and I returned to the common room, where most of the other Gryffindor's were just waking up, most of them gathering in small groups in their pyjamas. I could see James and his crew sitting in a corner, looking exceptionally bleary-eyed but talking enthusiastically. James was speaking, and the look on his face made it clear that he cared very much about what he was talking about. His expression made his features seem…different. Or maybe it was the absence of his usual cocky grin. I did a double take and looked at him a little closer.

He really did have a lovely shade of blue eyes, and his dark, messy hair made them stand out even more. But just as I was studying him closer, he suddenly looked up and, as though his eyes were drawn to mine like a magnet, looked at me with that intense expression he had been looking at his friends with. An instant later, and his expression turned back to the cocky grin, and the moment was gone. My cheeks burned with embarrassment at being caught staring at him.

"All right, Evans?" He smirked at me. "If you want a closer look, just say you'll go out with me…"

And with that all good feelings toward James Potter evaporated from my head. "No, Potter. Definitely not interested."

I could tell that Sarah wanted to go over and talk to Sirius, so I rolled my eyes and went upstairs to the dormitory to get my books so I could start studying. When I came back down, I made for a deserted corner that was far more private, so I could study in peace. I sat down and started to read my Charms text. I noticed someone coming to sit down beside me, but I expected it to be Sarah, so I paid no mind. When I looked up, however, it was not Sarah but James who had sat down beside me. Great, now I'd have to try and make up some kind of chit-chat or fend off romantic advances. Sigh.

"What do you want, Potter?" I sighed with annoyance.

"See anything you liked, earlier?" His expression was still cocky, but there was something behind his eyes that made his cockiness look like more of a charade than anything. It made me want to look closer at him again. So I did. I peered up at his blue eyes and I felt like I could see someone else in them. "Come on and go out with me… you won't regret it."

I sighed. "Why do you keep asking?"

He ruffled, obviously uncomfortable with my blunt question. "Well… you're quite clever… I figured you could write my OWLs for me," he smirked, with another attempt at bravado.

"James, you're smart and you know it. What's the real reason?"

He looked at me intently, cocking his head. "What did you just call me?"

I looked at him in confusion.

"You just called me James," he said with a growing grin. "You never call me James. Always Potter. Alright then, _Lily_, it's because I. Like. You. There? Are you happy? I said it. Now will you go out with me? Please?" There was vulnerability in his face that I was unused to seeing and it made me feel uncomfortable.

"No," I said with a sigh. "I can't."

"Can't or won't?" he asked hopefully.

"A little bit of both!" I countered, starting to get angry. "Now, please, sod off, so I can get some homework done! I actually need to put work into my homework instead of charming the pants off all of my teachers to get my grades," I glowered.

The vulnerability vanished from his face to be replaced with the mask of cockiness. "Fine, Evans, but believe me, you'll come around."

I sincerely doubted that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Snape's POV**

Is Lily Evans truly my girlfriend? Am I dreaming this? There's no possible way that this could be real. She's so perfect in every way. Every time I think of her long, flowing, fiery red hair and laughing almond-shaped green eyes I feel as though I'm in a dream, or some kind of alternate universe where things are all completely reversed; Lily Evans is with _me_, when in the real world she would be with some arrogant toerag like James Potter or Sirius Black. But no. She's _mine_. And I will never, ever let her go.

There's just one _small_ problem to puncture my bubble of bliss. Everyone.

Not one single person that I know, nor that Lily knows, would be accepting of our relationship.

Not one.

The Gryffindors would be enraged that Lily was dating one of their arch-enemies. Our two houses are rivals in every sense: Quidditch, the House Cup, lessons. Lily would be tormented and scoffed at by her fellow roommates. They already teased her something dreadful just knowing that her and I are friends. I know that they call me 'Sweetheart Snape' to her, and they used to tease her by telling her that I liked her. Well, they were right about that. I've always loved Lily, ever since I first met her at age ten at the playground.

Not only would the Gryffindors be disgusted by our relationship, but so would my Slytherin friends. They would especially take offence to the fact that Lily is Muggle-born. My friends can't understand my friendship with her. They think it's bizarre that I spend time with her. I think that they believe that I only want her physically, that I am just friendly with her in order to get my way with her, like so many of them are with girls. My friend Walden Macnair, who I would consider to be my closest friend after Lily, along with Alden Avery and Stephen Mulciber, are especially bad. The four of us do have a lot in common with each other; the difference is my acceptance of Muggle-borns. The other three have no tolerance for them. They are aspiring Death Eaters. Me… I don't know where I belong.

So making Lily and I's relationship public would be a bad idea. We would spend more time defending our relationship than anything. I don't want her to have to explain herself to anyone. We have an understanding, Lily and I. We love each other, and that's all that matters. No one else is in our relationship. So no one else needs to know.

I lay on my bed, listening to the gurgling sounds of drainage pipes in the stone walls, and watching the greenish reflection of the water that dances on the walls. Lily, Lily, Lily, Lily. She's the only thing that ever goes through my mind. It's always been like that. But now… it isn't secret dreams and hopes and fantasies playing out in my head. I'm closing my eyes and replaying the first stolen kiss behind the tapestry… and brushing her bare skin with my hand the other night on the seventh floor… or the mixture of surprise and desire in her eyes after we kissed. All of these images are _real_.

"Snape!"

I jolt out of my reverie in surprise as Macnair struts into the dormitory. "What are you doing in here? Aren't you coming down to the common room? Avery, Mulciber and I are planning on how best to get Mary MacDonald on her own," he smirked, waggling his eyebrows. "She's got a nice body. I'd like to see what's under that nasty Gryffindor robe."

I smirked at him. They were always planning things like that, but they never actually pulled though with them. I can't say that I necessarily agreed with the way that they talked about Mary. But I didn't want my friends to think I was weak or soft. I didn't want to lose face in front of them.

"I thought she was a Muggle-born," I replied, arching an eyebrow.

"What?! I thought she was half. Bloody hell. Although…" he paused, a devilish smile creeping back onto his face, "She is quite good looking for a Mudblood… maybe I'll have a go with her anyway."

For some reason, this irritated me. I felt my eyebrows pull together in a scowl. Macnair noticed my reaction, and so I turned my face away to look at my bedside table, where my wand lay. I picked it up and shoved it in the pocket of my robes, got off of my bed and headed towards the dormitory door.

"What was that face for?" he scoffed.

I decided to conceal the truth of the matter from him. "Just wondering at your low standards, Macnair. I didn't think you'd even consider a Mudblood like that," I scathed.

His face turned almost snarl-like. "She would deserve what she got, then!"

My face was turned away from him, but I could hear the venom in his voice when he spat the words, and it disturbed me. But I kept my face mask-like.

"Of course she would," I said loftily. "She's only a Mudblood after all."

I couldn't believe that those words had come out of my mouth. It made me sick to even think about it. Behind me, I could almost hear Macnair's smirk as we left the dormitory for the common room.

**Lily's POV**

OWL year truly was a menace.

Trying to get through all of the homework that was assigned to us was like trying to wade through a swamp full of mud and stinksap. It just didn't go very well at all.

I was in the library, desperate to finish an extremely boring essay for History of Magic on the Conference of Blackpool in 1262 (whereby wizards attempted to negotiate territory for mountain trolls, failed to communicate with them effectively, and the trolls ended up squashing several high-ranking officials; apparently, the trolls got bored of listening to the wizards and decided to leave, and, in the process, killing several wizards) so that I could spend the rest of my Sunday afternoon with Severus, possibly taking a stroll across the chilly grounds with a hot flask of cocoa. I was just beginning to write the part where Grund the Grumpy used the Liechtensteinian Minister for Magic as a tissue when someone sat down on the other side of my wall of books. Hoping that it was either Sarah or Severus, I parted the books and saw someone not quite as welcome.

My heart sank slightly. "What are you doing here, Potter? Not typically _your_ style to be seen in the library," I remarked, raising my eyebrows and trying to hide my disappointment.

His eyes widened in mock surprise. "Evans, it's almost as though you didn't enjoy my company or something!"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh no! Of course I do. You're my favourite study mate. I can't believe I have the good fortune to be graced with your presence, Your Highness."

James laughed. "Touchy, aren't we? Maybe a bit…defensive?"

"Dream on, Potter," I retorted, at the same time feeling a slight hopping feeling inside my chest. What on earth was that? Perhaps I was coming down with amphibianitis (a type of cold that has the feeling of a toad hopping around in one's chest, as well as a horrible croaky voice), I thought to myself. I tried to go back to writing my essay, but Potter didn't leave. He sat there and watched me continue to write about Grund the Grumpy. Finally I looked up from my parchment.

"Is there something I can help you with?" I asked pointedly, raising my eyebrows.

James shifted in his chair, looking uncomfortable. "Listen… Slughorn's having his annual Valentine's Day party in a few weeks…and I wondered if maybe… I mean, if you weren't already going with someone… that is, if you – if you _were_ available…"

I watched in complete amazement as James tripped over his words and stuttered and stammered and went slightly pink. I knew where he was going with the sentence, but I wasn't about to help him along with it. It wasn't every day you saw the amazing, handsome, Quidditch star James Potter fail so miserably at asking a girl out and I was enjoying it immensely.

"…well I wanted to…knowifyou'dgowithme," he finally spat out as quickly as he could.

James was staring at me hopefully. I wasn't used to this more sensitive and less arrogant side of him. I swallowed back a laugh at the sweetness of his proposal and –

WAIT.

Did I just think that something James Potter did was SWEET? What on EARTH is wrong with me?

It MUST be amphibianitis. I'd better go to the hospital wing.

"Well? What do you say?" he asked, a slight tinge of anxiety colouring his voice now.

Well, I couldn't exactly go with Severus! We were keeping our relationship a secret, and besides, he wasn't one of Slughorn's favourite students. And I really couldn't opt out on going either. Professor Slughorn would expect me to be there because he had promised to introduce me to the editor of the Daily Prophet, Woolsey Wentworth, as he knew I was interested in a career in magical journalism. If I went with James, it would also make Slughorn happy as James was also one of his favourite students. But he was just such an annoying prat! The hopping feeling in my chest was starting again, so I made a split second decision.

"I'll think about it!" I blurted. I threw all of my books and parchment haphazardly into my bag and made a beeline for the exit. The hopping feeling moved to my stomach now. "I've got to run!"

I caught one glance at James' face, which was a mixture of bewilderment at my hurried exit, and elation at my having not completely rejected his offer, and ran off towards the hospital wing.

An hour later, back in the common room, Sarah was laughing at my hospital wing trip.

"It's not funny Sar! You can be semi-permanently turned into a toad from amphibianitis! How would you like having a toad for a best friend for the next ten years?" I exclaimed, disgruntled at the fact that she didn't take my worry seriously.

"Amphibianitis!" she burst into renewed giggles. "You were just feeling the effects of James Potter asking you to the Valentine's Day party!"

"It's a legitimate illness Sarah!" I exclaimed haughtily. I didn't want to inform her of the fact that Madam Pomfrey had laughed at me when I told her of my concern. Apparently amphibianitis is one of those illnesses that died out years ago, like the plague or consumption. "And don't be ridiculous!" I scoffed. "Besides, I told him I'd think about it. But I'm not really going to go with him!"

Sarah stopped laughing. "Why not?! He seriously fancies you, Lily. What's the problem?"

The problem, I thought, was what about Severus? I decided on talking to him first before I gave James a yes or no answer.

"I told him I'd think about it, Sar," I replied shortly. "So I'm going to think about it. But enough about me. Are you going with Sirius then, or not?"

This effectively got her off my case about James, for the most part.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, stars coming into her eyes. "He asked me after lunch today! It was so sweet, and he's so good looking, he has that dark hair and dark eyes. And he always looks so confident and relaxed, like nothing gets to him! Oh Lil, wouldn't it be amazing if you got together with James, and I got together with Sirius and we were all best friends? Wouldn't that be amazing!? Remember that time in Diagon Alley…" And she launched into reminiscence about our younger years and Sirius and James and I smiled at her exuberance. I was glad that she was so pleased. I knew that she liked Sirius, but I didn't realize quite the extent of her crush. It made me happy that she was happy.

My mind began to wander to Severus. I hadn't seen him at all today and I didn't like it. I had hoped to see him tonight, as I hadn't seen him for two days. Maybe he'd sent a note to me with Pippin, his screech owl.

"…and we're going to have to figure out what we're going to wear to the party because I think that you should wear something green. It would bring out James' eyes. But I think that I might wear purple, you know, because Sirius' hair is so dark and I think that it would go really well…" Sarah rambled on, still with that dreamy, starry look in her eyes.

"Okay well I'm sure we can figure it out later!" I said loudly, talking over her monologue. "I'm going to head to bed now… I'm exhausted from all that homework!"

"Alright. And Lily? If you feel anymore hopping in your chest tonight, or if you feel a sudden urge to catch flies with your tongue, make sure you go to Pomfrey straight away!" Sarah said seriously.

I glared at her and stomped up the stairs to the dormitory, hearing her laughing all the way up.

I had been right. When I reached the dormitory, Pippin was waiting on my bed post with a note tied haphazardly to his leg. He hooted happily when he saw me. I untied the scroll from his leg, popped an Owl Treat in his beak from the tin by the window, and he ruffled his feathers and took off into the night. I opened the note eagerly.

_Lil,_

_Meet me on the fifth floor, across from that statue of Frederick the Frumpy at 9:00 tonight if you can. If not, send word back with Merry or Pippin._

_Severus_

I checked my watch and saw that it was 8:45. If I was going to meet him on time I would have to go quickly. I dashed back down the stairs to the common room. As I went, I searched for Sarah, and found her chatting with Sirius in a corner by the fire. She looked completely engrossed in what they were talking about. If I was careful, she would never notice me leaving.

I dashed out of the portrait hole and down the seventh floor corridor, took a shortcut that brought me down two floors, and sped along the fifth floor corridor until I came to the statue of Frederick the Frumpy. I checked my watch again – 8:59. I heard footsteps coming from behind me, and I turned to see Severus walking towards me. When he saw me a grin split across his face, making him look carefree and handsome.

He checked both directions when he got close to me, and, seeing that the coast was clear, scooped me into his arms. He was much taller than me, so I had to stand tip-toe to stretch my arms around his neck. He smelled like my favourite shampoo and a slight smell of cologne (A/N: In my stories, Snape is actually well-groomed and has good personal hygiene at first!). He let go, and looked down at me with his dark brown eyes and smiled.

"Hi," he said happily.

"Hi yourself," I replied with a grin.

There was another tapestry a few feet down the corridor, and Severus beckoned me towards it. He pulled me behind the tapestry and I leaned my back against the wall, happy that he was near me.

"How are you?" he murmured, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear. I could feel the heat of a blush creeping up my neck and cheeks and I bit my lip.

"I'm fine… how are you?" I replied, and my voice sounded low in the echo of the alcove we stood in.

"I'm… great," he said huskily, and his eyes darkened as he looked down at me. I felt my heartbeat quicken and a swooping feeling in my stomach. He leaned down and placed a kiss, as light as a spring breeze, gently on my jaw bone. I could feel myself trembling at the touch. He drew me closer to him and left gentle kisses along my collarbone, up the side of my neck, and behind my ear, where he tugged gently with his teeth.

My entire body felt like jelly at this point. Severus must have noticed the shaking in my knees because he lifted me up and I wrapped myself around him, and he leaned me up against the wall. When he finally kissed my lips it was soft, a glance of lips against lips, like the brush of silk against bare skin. His kisses grew more and more insistent, and I was drowning, and resurfacing, unable to breathe and breathing harder than if I'd run a marathon. It felt like we were one person, so in sync with one another. His teeth grazed my lip and I bit down on his, pulling it slowly through my teeth. A quiet moan escaped from deep in his throat and it sent a wave of pleasure through my body. I could feel the surprising hardness of muscle through his robes as I ran my hands along his arms, over his chest, and back up into his hair, which was starting to get longer than he usually kept it. He pulled away from my lips and buried himself into my neck, nuzzling and kissing and groaning occasionally as I gently pulled his soft hair. His arms slid underneath the front of my shirt and I was so lost in the heat of the moment I let him run his fingers gently up my sides. Our breath began to come out in pants.

"Is someone down there?"

My legs dropped from around Severus' waist, and he turned away from me to peer out from behind the tapestry into the corridor blocking me with his body. I shook my head to clear out the fog that had filled it ever since he kissed me. I glanced down at my watch. 9:38?! How had we been kissing for almost forty minutes?!

"I think that he's gone…" Severus whispered, turning back to me. His warm grin turned sheepish. "I'm sorry. I got kind of out of hand there."

"Yes you certainly did!" I mock-scolded him, and grinned back.

I pulled him down to the stone floor and we sat side by side and talked about our days and classes and homework. Finally, I plucked up the courage to tell him about the question James had asked me in the library earlier in the evening.

I could tell that he was unhappy with it as soon as I mentioned James' name. The two of them were not friendly; in fact, they rather disliked each other. Well, perhaps disliked isn't the right word.

Hated.

Despised.

Detested.

Those are all better words.

"I'm sorry Sev," I said sadly. "I'm not exactly thrilled at the thought of going to the party with James bloody Potter. The guy is so irritating! But I'm not ready for everyone to find out about us yet… it'll just be a fight and it's just too much to handle at the moment."

His face was impassive for a moment. Then he breathed out a huge breath and smiled. "I understand Lil. I know how badly you want to meet Woolsey Wentworth as well. I know how much you want to be a journalist. This is important to you, and I think you should go." He gritted his teeth and clenched his jaw. "Even if it means you have to go with _James bloody Potter_."

I laughed at his tension. "You have nothing to worry about Sev," I said, kissing his cheek. "Potter has no pull for me whatsoever!"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I just wanted to put in a quick note here about Snape. I wanted him to start off as a boy who was well groomed and clean, like any other boy his age) and then through the fallout with Lily turn into the greasy "Snivellus" that we all know and love. So if you're curious as to why Lily would want to run her hands through his hair (if he were the adult Snape, I wouldn't do that), or even kiss him, my Snape was a lot more clean than he is eventually described!**

January began to slip by in a blur. Between secretly meeting Severus, keeping up with the absolute _piles_ of homework that the teachers were assigning, and my Prefect duties, February 14 was sneaking up awfully quickly. I had told James that I would go with him to the party on two conditions. First, that we were going as FRIENDS and nothing more; and second, that he was not allowed acting like his normal pratty self. He agreed with a laugh and told me to wear something pretty. I rolled my eyes and went down to breakfast.

The whole school talked constantly about the party. Slughorn asked that everyone bring a date, which was why I was stuck with James, and it was invite only, meaning that because of its' exclusivity, the whole school was obsessing over who was going with who, who would be wearing what, what famous friends of Slughorn's would attend, and a lot of other nonsense. For the two weeks preceding the party, all I could hear anyone talk about in classes, in the loo, in the Great Hall, and in the common room was the party. Those who didn't receive an invite were trying to get the attention of those who had received one, but didn't have a date yet, while those that who received an invite and didn't have a date yet were desperately trying to avoid them.

Severus was resigned to the fact that he wasn't going to be attending the party. Whenever he and I were together and the party was mentioned, I could feel him tense up in irritation over thinking of me at the party with James. I felt a jolt of nerves every time I thought about it and I wasn't sure if it was to do with meeting the editor, or if it was because I was going with James.

Sarah was no help to my fragile nerves. She was no exception to the rule, and was just as excited as everyone else. There was a confidence to her step, however; not only was she going to the most exclusive party but she was going with one of the most popular and good looking boys in the school. She had already colour coordinated both her outfit and mine (she was going to wear a short royal purple dress that would set off her lovely dark hair and bright eyes nicely, while I was to wear a bottle green dress, short and rather tighter than I normally would choose, that she said would complement James' eyes – whatever that meant) and arranged for the four of us to arrive together. I wished that I could feel as excited about it as she did.

Three days before the fourteenth, I was walking past a girl's bathroom on the second floor on my way to the Great Hall for dinner when I thought I could hear talking and sobbing. At first, I assumed that it was just Moaning Myrtle, as her bathroom was on this floor. But then I realized that the talking was a male voice, not female. I stopped and listened.

"Listen you slimy Mudblood! You're not going to tell anyone about this because if you do, bad things will happen to you. You understand? BAD things!" I could hear the girl sobbing and then she said something indistinct.

"No, we know that you won't say anything," another male voice laughed and then I heard other laughs join the chorus.

"Now, quit your damn crying! If anyone asks you what your problem is, you're going to tell them that you had a fight with a boyfriend and that you don't want to talk about it. Got it?" another voice said roughly. "Good. Now, get on out of here, and don't tell anyone or we'll come and visit you. Keep your mouth shut, and you'll never have to deal with us again."

I pulled my ear from the door just in time to jump behind a suit of armour as Nancy Wheaton, a sixth-year Hufflepuff girl, came flying out of the bathroom. She didn't even seem to notice me, distraught as she was. She sped down the hallway and out of sight.

I heard more laughing coming from the bathroom, and I raced after Nancy, not wanting to come into contact with Avery, Mulciber and Macnair, who I knew would be exiting the bathroom at any minute, laughing and gloating at their sport.

I picked at my dinner unable to concentrate on it. The three Slytherin boys were Severus' closest friends. I couldn't hear his voice when I listened at the door, so I hoped that he hadn't been with them. I couldn't bear it if he had been involved in something like that. I knew that the three boys were bad news, but I didn't realize that they were _this_ bad of news. I wondered what they had done to her, and then shuddered, not wanting to know. I wondered if I should talk to Severus about it. I wondered if I should tell Dumbledore or McGonagall about it. But most of all, I wondered how I could prove that it was them that I heard in the bathroom. I had no proof to take to the teachers. Nancy certainly wouldn't talk, not after they threatened her like they did. So I decided to talk to Severus about it. Surely he would be able to exercise some control over his friends. He was a prefect too – perhaps he could give them detention?

I scanned the Slytherin table for him and found him, sitting about halfway down the table, tucking into a plate of roast potatoes and ham. He was talking to a boy sitting next to him, and then suddenly, he looked up as though he could sense my eyes on him. I inclined my head slightly toward the Entrance Hall, and with a curious look, he nodded ever so slightly and pushed his plate away. I got up from the table just as Sarah came sliding into her seat, breathless and flushed.

Before she could open her mouth I had jogged along the table and out into the huge Entrance Hall to a more private corner where people who were entering for dinner or leaving for their common rooms would be less likely to hear us.

Severus saw me and walked over, a question in his eyes. "What's wrong?" he said, touching my arm. I shrugged out of the contact.

"What is going on with your friends, Sev? I just walked past a loo on the second floor and distinctly heard them threatening Nancy Wheaton, and she was crying her eyes out!" I cried.

He looked confused. "I don't know what you mean. I went back to the dormitory to drop my bag off before dinner. I haven't been with them."

"Well something bad is going on Sev! They're bad news. They did something to her, I don't know what, but it terrified her, and they told her that if she told anyone that they would hurt her! I know it was Avery, Macnair and Mulciber, because I heard their voices!" I watched his face and I was enraged that he wasn't saying anything. Did he not _care_ that his three best friends had just threatened a poor girl?! "Well! Aren't you going to say _anything?_"

"Did you actually see them leaving the bathroom, Lily?" he asked, a note of coldness coming into his voice.

I stared at him. "Well, no, but I heard them! I know their voices, I know it was them!"

"Well if you didn't see them leave the bathroom, how do you know it was them? You can't just go and blame my friends for something you have no proof over! You can't just go and blame Slytherins for anything bad that happens in the school!" he exclaimed, his face looking like thunder.

I couldn't believe my ears. I couldn't believe that Severus Snape was saying these things to me. It was so unlike him, so utterly unlike him that all I could do is stare at him in shock.

"Are you serious? You really don't believe me?" I asked, my voice sounding hollow.

He sighed. "It's not that I _don't _believe you, Lily. But… well…" he trailed off for a moment, looking unsure. "I know my friends," he said after a pause, his voice sounding stronger. "They wouldn't do something like that. They make jokes but they wouldn't actually follow through with it."

Now I was mad. I couldn't believe that after knowing each other for so long, Sev was just going to ignore my word, and take theirs.

"Fine," I replied, sounding much calmer than I felt inside. "Fine. Don't believe, me, don't do anything about it. But you'll regret it."

And I left him standing alone in the Entrance Hall.

**Snape's POV**

I watched Lily walk out of the Entrance Hall and up the marble staircase in guilt and confusion. I didn't want to believe that what she had said was true. I didn't want to believe it at all. Because that would mean that I would have to ask my friends about it. And if they actually did what she said they had done… I didn't know what to do about it.

Hogwarts was the first place that I really had any friends. As a child I was a loner until I met Lily at the local playground with her sister. She was my first real friend, although I'm sure that I was in love with her even then. But that all changed when I came to Hogwarts. And I didn't want to lose my friends, the first set of friends that I had ever had. So, I didn't want what Lily had said to be true.

But would I lose her over this?

No, I told myself, fairly confidently. No, she wouldn't cut me out of her life over this. We're stronger than that. But, said a nasty voice in my head, she is strong willed and she knows what is right and wrong. This could make or break it for her.

I stood in the Hall, thinking and analyzing every response. After stretching my brain I decided that I would let it be. Lily was known to be temperamental at times; she would get over this little spat, and come to see that she had no real proof that it was my friends that had threatened Nancy. She may not talk to me for a few days, but I could handle that. I breathed a sigh of relief. No, there was no way I'd lose both her and my friends over something like this. It was impossible.

**Lily's POV**

Finally, the day of the party arrived, and I couldn't wait to get it over with. I hadn't talked to Severus since the night in the Entrance Hall, and he hadn't tried to talk to me either. I wasn't particularly surprised; whenever we had gotten into fights before he would usually give me my space. It made me feel empty inside this time though. Perhaps it was because this time we were fighting as more than friends, not just friends. I tried to put Severus at the back of my mind.

At dinner, there were not very many girls in the Hall. I expected that the majority of them were either getting themselves ready for the party or jealously helping their friends. I had just finished my salad when Sarah came to sit beside me.

"Okay," she said, sounding strangely businesslike. "I think I have everything ready to go. I've used an anti-wrinkle charm on both of our dresses, and they are hanging up by the wardrobe ready to wear. I also have every bit of makeup that I could scrounge up between Kate, Amy and Bethany and I. They're absolutely foaming that they aren't able to go," she added with a small laugh. "They couldn't find dates, so I'm sure they won't be too friendly toward us later."

I laughed too. "Thanks for putting everything together like this, Sar. I really appreciate it."

"No problem!" she said brightly. "I enjoy it… and it seems like you're pretty preoccupied lately. Want to talk about it?"

"Preoccupied?" I asked, my voice maybe a bit higher than normal. I laughed airily. "Not particularly! You know, just school things and what not…"

Her eyes widened slightly. "Okay then," she said in a voice that plainly meant she didn't believe me. "If you say so. But if you do want to talk, I'm here."

"Absolutely! Thanks Sarah," I told her gratefully.

Sarah finished her salad and the two of us made our way back up to the dormitories to get ready for the party.

By half-past seven we were ready to go. I had washed my long hair and used a drying charm on it, styled with loose waves that hung down to my ribs. I had a light dusting of makeup on, and a pair of black heels on that matched the silky black clutch that Sarah had lent me. The dress was bottle green with a black stretch belt around the waistline and hugged my body in a way that actually gave me some semblance of curves. I had never felt quite so dressed up before.

Sarah looked fabulous. Her curvy frame was sheathed in the royal purple dress with silver heels and a silvery clutch. Her long dark hair was styled similarly to mine, long and wavy. She looked fantastic.

"You guys look fab," Amy said when we had finished, but not very enthusiastically.

"Yeah, great," Kate agreed.

"I think you guys look amazing!" Bethany said, but she sounded more genuine than the other two.

"Thanks girls," I replied. "Now, wish me luck so that I don't nosedive in these shoes!"

Sarah and I made our way down to the common room where we were to meet James and Sirius. When we reached the fire, I saw that James actually looked quite nice. He had managed to make his hair stay fairly flat, and he was wearing a very nice and soft-looking green dress shirt and black slacks. I noticed that the green of his shirt was a very similar colour to the colour of my dress. I shot a glance at Sarah and she just smiled obliviously. Sirius was also dressed equally nicely, in a dark blue shirt and black slacks. His hair lacked James' neatness, although it looked casually messy in a nice way. Both of them looked relaxed and cheerful.

James' mouth opened slightly when he saw us come down, and then he closed it again as if trying to control his movements. Sirius smiled his charming grin and offered Sarah his elbow, which she took with a bright smile, and they headed toward the portrait hole.

"Hi," I said, rather breathlessly, when I reached James.

"You look ravishing, Evans," he replied in a pompous voice. "Shall we?" he offered me his elbow as Sirius had done with Sarah.

I tried to stifle a grin. "We shall."

**Kind of a shorter chapter! But I wanted to end it here so that I could write the party as a chapter all its own. Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Sarah, Sirius, James and I walked down to Slughorn's office. The closer we got to it, the louder and more boisterous the party sounded. There had been a rumour that Slughorn had hired the wizarding band Hair-Raising Hippogriff to play; and from the sound of the bass could be heard three floors above, we guessed that the rumour was true. When we reached the door to the party, Professor Slughorn himself stood at the door, holding a large tumbler of honey-coloured liquid and spilling dollops of it onto the floor as he enthusiastically greeted his guests. His face had turned a rosy colour from his temples to his chin.

"Sirius! James!" he exclaimed, throwing an arm around James' shoulders. James' knees buckled slightly in surprise. "I'm so pleased that you could make it to my little get-together!" Inside, the music pounded and what looked like about sixty people were already dancing to the beat or else helping themselves to drinks or food carried around on golden trays by house-elves.

James grinned his charming smile. "Of course Professor! We wouldn't miss this for the world!" Slughorn clapped both him and Sirius on the shoulders and waved us all inside.

"Miss Evans!" he said, inclining his head. "Might I say that you look lovely tonight? I'm so pleased to see you here with Mr. Potter! The two of you will make a very fine couple!"

I could feel my face going bright red. "Oh, no, professor! We're not a couple, we're only here as friends – I don't like him, I mean I don't like him like _that…_"

But Slughorn wasn't listening. He had already turned back to the door, where he had deposited a great amount of his drink onto the shoes of seventh-year Roger MacMillan, and was huffing and puffing in apology. MacMillan waved his hands in good-natured dismissal and muttered a spell to dry his shoes.

"Drunk as a skunk isn't he?" Roger grinned as he walked past me into the party.

The four of us laughed and looked around the decorated room.

Everything seemed to be varying shades of red, pink, or white. The trays that the house-elves carried were full of, as we could now see, glasses of pink champagne. The food was also colour coordinated. There were balloons hanging everywhere, streams of shining garlands made of hearts, and gobs of confetti that had been enchanted to fall on people as they walked by. I giggled.

"It's so tacky!" I exclaimed in happiness. Sarah laughed with me.

"God, is it ever!" she agreed.

The boys led us over to where the drinks were being served. They brought Sarah and I a glass of champagne and we stood at a table, sipping our drinks and generally enjoying the atmosphere. James and I laughed watching confetti spray out at unsuspecting passers-by.

The Hippogriffs started a new song with a good beat. "How about it Evans?" he asked, inclining his head toward the dance floor, where Sirius and Sarah were already dancing. I made a face.

"Dancing really isn't my strong point…" I admitted knitting my eyebrows together in worry.

He smiled and offered me his hand. "Never fear, my lady. I happen to be an excellent dancer."

I let him pull me out to the floor. He was right; he was a good dancer. He moved himself well and I tried to copy his moves as best as I could. After a while, I found that I was actually enjoying myself. The faster song came to an end and a slower one started up. I looked up at James awkwardly and he took the chance to seize my hand in his, and slipped his other arm around my waist. I let him steer me to the beat and we revolved slowly around the floor. He was tall, and I fit myself nicely into his chest, head close to his shoulder, and I could feel his breath in my hair. I could feel the muscles in his back moving as we swayed slowly. Perhaps it had been the potent champagne that I had sipped prior to the dance, but I was feeling dreamy and light-headed. _I'm dancing with JAMES POTTER_! My mind screamed and for some reason I found this quite funny. I lifted my head up to look at James and found him already staring at me.

The cocky, arrogant look that usually graced his face was gone. Instead, he had a tender, intense look as he gazed down at me. His green eyes almost glowed in the dim lighting. The hopping feeling in my stomach started again, but this time it felt swooping, like my insides were falling to my feet. What an odd feeling it was.

Our eyes were locked together and for some reason I couldn't look away. We just continued to dance, staring at each other. It felt like forever and a mere moment at the same time. Then, I saw something change in his face, almost like resolve, and his face seemed to come nearer to mine…

"Lily, my girl!" A voice boomed to my right. It felt like I was surfacing from under deep water. I blinked a few times and turned to see Professor Slughorn beaming at me. I quickly glanced at James, and he also looked as if he were waking from a dream. He shook his head slightly, and disappointment clouded his face.

"Professor! What – what is it?" I asked, trying to regain my sanity.

"Woolsey just arrived! Would you like to speak with him now? I've told him of your aspirations and how bright you are!" he grinned at me, obviously unawares of the moment he just interrupted.

Woolsey? Oh! Wentworth, the editor of the _Daily Prophet_!

"Oh! Yes, yes of course I would, Professor!" I exclaimed. "I'll speak with him now!"

I turned my head back to James and saw that the look of disappointment had been wiped from his face. A ghost of the cocky smile was back. He released me from his arms and inclined his head slightly to me. With a more genuine smile, he turned and made his way over to the table where Sirius and Sarah sat, deep in conversation.

Flustered, I turned back to Slughorn, who had been watching with a knowing smile. Perhaps he hadn't been as oblivious as I thought. He said nothing, however, but turned and walked to a far corner of the room and I followed shakily.

Woolsey Wentworth turned out to be a short little man with a squeaky voice, bright blue eyes hidden behind circular wire-rimmed spectacles, and robes of the brightest orange I'd ever seen. He was very friendly and talkative, and I tried to make the best impression that I could on him. He asked me about my opinions on current events, decrees that the Ministry was attempting to pass, wand legislation, and what my favourite classes were. We talked for so long that I had almost forgotten about James until I felt a hand lightly touch my waist, and I turned to see a friendly smile and bright green eyes staring down at me. His hair had become messy again, either from the humidity of the room or his habit of ruffling it.

"Ah! And this must be James Potter!" Wentworth squeaked, shaking James' hand delicately. "Horace has told me about you and your talent for Quidditch!"

James smiled, and it was more of an arrogant smile than the genuine one that I had seen earlier. "My professor is too kind. He brags about me more than I deserve."

But his tone didn't agree with his words.

The two of them talked about Quidditch for a few minutes longer. I sighed quietly and turned to look around the room. Suddenly I saw Sarah catch my eye and nod frantically over to a quiet corner. I nodded slightly to her, and she took off to wait for me. I turned back to Wentworth and James, who were now discussing the Holyhead Harpies' chances to win the World Cup this coming summer.

"Would you gentlemen please excuse me?" I asked politely.

"Of course, young lady. It was such a pleasure to meet you. If I find a story that comes across my desk that I think you would be interested in, I will be sure to send you an owl," he said warmly, shaking my hand again.

"Thank you so much Mr. Wentworth! It was a pleasure meeting you as well," I smiled. Inside I was leaping. A story? _Me_, write a _story_? The excitement was almost too much to bear. I turned and speed-walked over to where Sarah was waiting. A house-elf moved past us and I scooped two glasses of pink champagne off of the tray. I handed one to Sarah when I reached her.

"Lily!" she exclaimed as I gave her the flute. "Sirius kissed me!"

"Sarah that's great!" I gushed. This night really was turning out to be fantastic!

"It was the best kiss ever! I like him so much. I hope that he asks me to be his girlfriend," she grinned, from ear to ear.

"Why wouldn't he?" I replied. Her happiness was infectious and I was soon grinning as hard as she was. I took a deep drink of the champagne and found it to be even more delicious than the first glass I had.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see James standing there again. I smiled at him with energy, so happy was I feeling. I didn't even want to be mean to him.

He looked surprised at the look on my face, but then he broke into a grin as well. "Let's dance again," he asked, cocking his head to the side.

And because I was in such a great mood, I accepted. I tipped the rest of the champagne into my mouth and set the flute down on the nearest table. He led me back to the dance floor where a fast song was playing. The two of us danced and laughed and twirled around like the goofy teenagers we were.

There were many couples on the dance floor by this time, a mix of students, a few professors, and many friends of Slughorn's. I could just barely make out Sirius and Sarah on the other side of the floor. The band had struck up one more slow song, which they said was to be the last of the night, and James and I came together once more.

The same feeling overtook me again as I was wrapped up in his arms. He held me tightly. It was very unlike the way that Severus held me. He held me as though I might break, like I was a valuable piece of china, whereas James didn't. I felt a jolt when I thought about Severus, followed by guilt that I hadn't really thought about him all evening. But I made myself put the guilty feeling aside and to just concentrate on having a good time. I mean, we were just dancing. It's not like we kissed or anything…

James shifted his arms so that I was even closer to him. I could smell his cologne, sharp and spicy, altogether different from Severus' scent of books and ink and his own boyish cologne. The scent of it filled my head and I found myself resting my head on his chest, inhaling and exhaling it. His body felt pleasantly hard underneath his dress shirt, and I could feel the muscles moving again as we swayed. I suddenly had the urge to see if his hair felt as soft through my fingers as it looked…

I felt his hand let go of mine, and then it was under my chin, raising my face up to his. His eyes were intense again, darkening, and a feeling of hot, resolved calm stole through my body. This time, he let his other hand slide up to the back of my head and I could feel his fingers seize my hair. His face was coming closer to mine again and before I knew what was truly happening, his lips landed on mine.

There was nothing of the sweet gentleness of Severus in this kiss. This kiss felt like fire. It felt as though a volcano had erupted in the pit of my stomach, and the lava stole through my entire body. I felt desire when I kissed Severus, but it was nothing to what I felt when James kissed me now. It felt as if my insides were boiling. Where he touched me left sparks trailing across my skin. I reached up and put my hands behind his neck, pulling him closer to me and I heard a sound deep in his throat that I've never heard a boy make before. It was almost a growl. He was not gentle with me. He kissed me hard enough to make my lips feel as though they were bruised or broken but it was not painful; on the contrary it felt as though I was truly _alive_ for the first time in my life. My hands found their way to his hair and I was right; it was a soft as I'd imagined that it was. I knew my breath was coming out in gasps, and his hands were sliding up my back, under my arms, and up almost to my breasts…

"I _knew_ you weren't going out with a Ravenclaw!" I heard Sarah's voice exclaim, as if from far away.

James and I broke apart for the second time of the night to see Sarah's triumphant look. I had the same feeling of being dragged up to the surface.

"I…was! I was seeing him but we, er, well we decided to take a break from each other! What with homework and OWLs coming up and everything I didn't really have time for him and it just wasn't working out. Plus he was getting a balding patch on his head and…" I broke off, knowing that I was babbling about nothing. "James and I aren't together! It wasn't what it looked like. It was nothing, nothing at all. I…"

"No," I head James say in a cold voice. "Lily's right. It _was_ nothing." His hands dropped from my waist, and when I looked back up at him, there was a look of chilly detachment on his face. "Good night, ladies. Enjoy the rest of your evening." As he turned away, I thought that I could see a glimpse of hurt peek through his icy façade.

I felt awful.

In every way, shape and form, I just felt terrible about the whole situation.

I couldn't believe that I had kissed James. The guilt was eating away at me like a slow poison, but I couldn't tell Severus. It would completely destroy him and I did not want to be the cause of that. Plus, I couldn't bear to not have him in my life, which would inevitably happen if he found out that I had kissed James. So I kept my mouth shut and avoided him if at all possible. I could tell that he knew something was bothering me, but I passed it off as stress about the coming exams.

James was cold and distant toward me as well. That suited me just fine. I was furious with him, with myself, and with the whole blasted situation. Every time I saw him in class, in the common room, at the table in the Great Hall I felt irrationally angry.

The worst part was that I couldn't get the kiss out of my mind.

Whenever I looked at him and caught him smiling or biting his lip the memory of the kiss would return, hot and quick into my mind and I could feel my face begin to burn with anger and guilt. So I tried my hardest to stay as far away from him as possible.

February blew into March, and March warmed up into April. Exams were nearly upon us, and our homework load was worse than ever. I still found time to see Severus when I could, although he still didn't know about the kiss with James and I tried to hide my guilt and shame from him as best I could.

It was a cool day at the end of March, and I was walking past a huge tapestry on the fourth floor on my way back to Gryffindor tower. I was thinking about my Transfiguration essay and whether I should add more theory to the body when I heard a girl sobbing and a quiet male voice.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Because of my preoccupied state, I had been walking much slowly and cautiously than normal, so my steps were quiet. It appeared that they didn't know that anyone was walking down the corridor.

I tip-toed as close to the tapestry as I dared, and listened.

" – won't be so nice next time," the male said in a low growl of a voice.

The girl sobbed.

I knew who it was again. Mulciber was for sure there, that was his voice that was threatening the girl. But I couldn't hear any other voices. I quickly scanned the corridor for something that I could hide behind and remembered the enormous ornamental vase at the other end, situated in a small niche. I jogged as quietly as possible over to it and hauled myself inside of it. Then I cast a spell to turn a small square of the clay into a one way window so that I could see out of it, but they could not see in. A moment or two later, I saw the tapestry flutter as if someone had moved it. But _for the love of Merlin_, the angle that my hiding place was situated in prevented me from seeing the people exiting! I heard footsteps and I knew that someone was getting closer to the vase. Belinda Truman stumbled into my view, hugging her chest and looking distraught. Her eyes were red and puffy, although no tears ran from them anymore. My heart went out to her. _DAMN_ those Slytherins for thinking that they could get away with this!

But again, I had no bloody _proof _that it was actually them. Severus had made his feelings clear on the subject, so he wasn't going to help me. Professor Dumbledore might believe me but without proof most other teachers would just assume that a Gryffindor was trying to bring down Slytherin in an attempt to win the House Cup, as Slytherin was currently in the lead, so no one would take me seriously. I sighed and, checking to ensure that the hallway was completely empty again, crawled out of the huge vase and started toward Gryffindor tower, hardly noticing where I was going.

**Snape's POV**

Something is going on with Lily.

I can tell. She's not herself. The last few weeks she has been preoccupied and quiet, jumping at noises and avoiding me. I wondered to myself if Potter did something to her at that party.

She told me that nothing happened; the meeting with Wentworth had gone well, and he seemed to like her. The decorations were gaudy but the music was good. She didn't mention Potter often, as though she was trying to forget about him. But I could not forget about him.

I despised him.

Ever since the first train ride to Hogwarts I've hated him. I met him on the platform. I was nervous and scared about leaving for school and he saw me sniffle slightly as I tried to hold back tears from falling down my cheeks. Ever since that trip, his gang has called me _Snivellus. _And every time my blood boils.

I know that he had something to do with Lily's change in attitude. She won't tell me what's wrong, what's bothering her, so I blame him. It's his fault that she is pulling away from me. I haven't been spending as much time with her as I normally would have since she is avoiding me. So in my spare time, I've began to watch James Potter and his gang of followers. And I've noticed some things that I find very, very interesting.

For starters, what is wrong with that Lupin kid? He always looks pale and sickly. The word is that he's ill with something. That much is pretty obvious. It happens often, too; at least once, maybe twice a month he misses classes and the teachers don't say a word about it, as if they don't want to draw too much attention to him. Perhaps they're worried that too much attention to his sickness will make it worse? But Lupin is not the only problem.

One evening I was making my way back to the Slytherin common room from the library when I heard the four of them talking and walking down the marble staircase. They were trying to be quiet about it. I hid myself in the shadows and watched as they made their way carefully across the Hall toward the front door and just out of my line of vision. When I tried to get closer and peer past the pillar that blocked my view, the four of them were gone.

These little curiosities had piqued my interest. I wanted – no _needed_ – to find out what they were up to. If I could just get them caught doing something against the rules, or maybe even the _law_, Lily would see how idiotic and arrogant and childish and immature they were and then she would understand that James Potter is not the person for her.

I am.

**A/N: The plot starts to thicken… I hope that if you're reading this, you are enjoying it as much as I am enjoying writing it. Feedback, suggestions, constructive criticism, questions, etc. welcome! **


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